Tears

I cried yesterday.  

On the car back, after a hearty annual buffet dinner at the Shilla Hotel for the Coshe staffs, I was sleepy and leaned in on Byul unnie's shoulder to take a nap. 

In that moment, I was suddenly reminded of how I used to lean in on my mummy's arm too while taking taxi rides. Then I. just. crai

HAHAHAHAHA so paiseh. Byul unnie asked a question but I couldn't reply (partly cause of my lousy korean and also) because I was controlling my sobs. So I told them I missed my mum and the whole car laughed at me while trying to comfort me. 

Then we drove into some horse farm that's not very well lit. and I looked out the window and saw a blanket of stars in the sky. oh. my. god

We got out of the car and Pul unnie shouted to me "Mari ah, aren't I the best? I suggested this place for you to see the stars!"

Wanted to reply "OH MY GOD THANK YOU SO MUCH" but couldn't, cause I choked on my tears again as I turned my back to them in the dark. Then I felt a warm embrace from my back as Pul unnie just hugged me in silence. 

Those were tears of joy btw. 

So for a minute or so, they just let me stand there in the darkness looking up at the stars while tearing. It's the happiest moment of sadness mixed with excitement and loneliness yet comfort with warmth while standing in the cold starry night. 

And I think this will be a moment that'll come to mind when I need to go to my "happy place".  

Thank you Coshe for being family :) 

loves, 

marilyn